INSTALLING HUSBAND - COMPUTER WAY

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,


Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance --

particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no! avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

......................................................................

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

Too Good..........

 
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the
morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"    

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,

"Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.

........................

("I just LOVE reading next line again and again")

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..
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GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turn Your Brain Into A Powerful Thinking Machine

10 Amazingly Simple Tricks To Turn Your Brain Into A Powerful Thinking Machine

There are two basic principles to keep your brain healthy and sharp as you age: variety and curiosity. When anything you do becomes second nature, you need to make a change. If you can do the crossword puzzle in your sleep, it's time for you to move on to a new challenge in order to get the best workout for your brain. Curiosity about the world around you, how it works and how you can understand it will keep your brain working fast and efficiently. Use the ideas below to help attain your quest for mental fitness.

1. Read a Book

Pick a book on an entirely new subject. Read a novel set in Egypt. Learn about economics. There are many excellent popular non-fiction books that do a great job entertaining you while teaching about a subject. Become an expert in something new each week. Branch out from familiar reading topics. If you usually read history books, try a contemporary novel. Read foreign authors, the classics and random books. Not only will your brain get a workout by imagining different time periods, cultures and peoples, you will also have interesting stories to tell about your reading, what it makes you think of and the connections you draw between modem life and the words.

2. Play Games

Games are a wonderful way to tease and challenge your brain. Suduko, crosswords and electronic games can all improve your brain's speed and memory. These games rely on logic, word skills, math and more. These games are also fun. You'll get benefit more by doing these games a little bit every day-spend 15 minutes or so, not hours.

3. Use Your Opposite Hand

Spend the day doing things with your non-dominant hand. If you are left-handed, open doors with your right hand. If you are right-handed, try using your keys with your left. This simple task will cause your brain to lay down some new pathways and rethink daily tasks. Wear your watch on the opposite hand to remind you to switch.

4. Learn Phone Numbers

Our modem phones remember every number that calls them. No one memorizes phone numbers anymore, but it is a great memory Skill. Learn a new phone number everyday.

5. Eat for Your Brain

Your brain needs you to eat healthy fats. Focus on fish oils from wild salmon, nuts such as walnuts, seeds such as flax seed and olive oil. Eat more of these foods and less saturated fats. Eliminate transfats completely from your diet.

6. Break the Routine

We love our routines. We have hobbies and pastimes that we could do for hours on end. But the more something is second nature, the less our brains have to work to do it. To really help your brain stay young, challenge it. Change routes to the grocery store, use your opposite hand to open doors and eat dessert first. All this will force your brain to wake up from habits and pay attention again.

7. Go a Different way

Drive or walk a different way to wherever you go. This little change in routine helps the brain practice special memory and directions. Try different side streets go through stores in a different order anything to change your route.

8. Learn a New Skill

Learning a new skill works multiple areas of the brain. Your memory comes into play, you learn new movements and you associate things differently. Reading Shakespeare, learning to cook and building an airplane out of tooth picks all will challenge your brain and give you something to think about.

9. Make Lists

Lists are wonderful. Making lists helps us to associate items with one another. Make a list of all the places you have traveled. Make a list of the tastiest foods you have eaten. Make a list of the best presents you have been given. Make one list every day to jog your memory and make new connections. But don't become too reliant on them. Make your grocery list, but then try to shop without it. Use the list once you have put every item you can think of in your cart. Do the same with your "to do" lists.

10. Choose a new skill

Find something that captivates you that you can do easily in your home and doesn't cost too much. Photography with a digital camera, learning to draw, learning a musical instrument learning new cooking styles, or writing are all great choices.

GM with Numerology...!!!!!

Numerology  

                  1   2   3   4   5   6  7   8   9 ? Which is your number ?

Your Ruling Number

Your Ruling Number is the sum of your date of birth, i.e. just the date. For example, Rahul's birthday falls on the 29th of November; this makes his Ruling Number 2 (2+9=11, further 1+1=2). Your Ruling Number would be 2 if you were born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th or 29th of any month

If your ruling number is 1   Your Lucky Days Your Gemstones Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays. Ruby, emerald, moonstone and pale green stone

This number is governed by the Sun and those born under it are highly original, active, energetic, motivated, artistic and brilliant. You are naturally attracted to people born between 21st July and 20th August, between 21st November and 20th December and between 21st March and 20th April. You are attracted towards the intellectual types. You could meet your romantic partner while on a journey or in a group. You are lucky as far as your finances are concerned. But you will need to be careful about being too generous or extravagant. Some of you will need to be careful as you may fall prey to gambling. The Sun gives you an intellectual bent of mind and you are attracted to mental rather than physical pursuits. Your leadership capabilities are highly developed which equips you to hold executive and administrative positions. You are courageous and brave and never hesitate to tackle the most of difficult of problems. You will gain knowledge through observation and travel. You have a highly original and innovative mind which does not lend itself well to simply taking orders. Some of you are highly creative and may possess artistic talents. Some of you could be attracted to the supernatural and occult sciences.

 

If your ruling number is 2   Your Lucky Days Your Gemstones Mondays, Tuesday and Fridays. Pearl , diamond, moonstone and agate
This number is governed by the Moon and those born under it are highly imaginative, idealistic and possess a dreamy nature. You are naturally attracted to people born between October 21 and November 20, between February 19 and March 20. You also have an affinity for those governed by the numbers 2, 4 and 6. You are attracted to people with an intellectual bent of mind, as well as those who can provide you with creature comforts. You will find moderate success in business and finance. You can improve your financial status if you use your imagination to create something new. You are a kind, considerate and totally unselfish person who always takes into consideration the feelings of others. You make a good partner and collaborator. You are able to take care of the details without losing sight of the larger objective. You love order and tidiness. You are basically an introvert, preferring your solitude over the company of people you cannot relate to. You love natural and beautiful things and take pleasure from the simple things in life. You should guard against letting others take advantage of your good nature.

 

If your ruling number is 3   Your Lucky Days Your Gemstones Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Topaz, amethyst, and cat's eye
This number is governed by the Planet Jupiter and those born under it are lovers of morality, justice, mercy and pure love. You are naturally attracted to people born between June 21 and July 20, between October 21 and November 20. You also have an affinity for those governed by the numbers 3, 6, 7 and 9. You will be lucky in financial matters and will get plenty of opportunities for career advancement. Your ambition, leadership and drive will always motivate you to strive for constant improvements in your professional life. You are usually lucky in life. You are able to attract all that is good towards yourself. Merciful judges, physicians, priests, teachers, philosophers and humanists are generally governed by the number 3. You will have a significant dealing with the masses and will remain in the public eye. A sharp wit and natural charm make you a lot of friends. You are adaptable and multitalented and are often confused about your career choice. You are humble and naturally courteous with everyone. You have oodles of confidence and are self-reliant. You are broad minded and tolerant and entirely lack malice or guile.

 

If your ruling number is 4   Your Lucky Days Your Gemstones Sundays, Mondays and Fridays. Topaz amethyst, and cat's eye
This number is governed by the planet Uranus and those born under it are energetic, forceful and progressive. You are naturally attracted to people born between February 19 and March 20, between October 21 and November 20. You also have an affinity for those governed by the numbers 1, 2, 4, 7 and 8. You will be comfortably well off and will never want for material things in life. Though you are frugal with your resources, you have a well decorated home. You will achieve considerable success after the age of 40. Revolutionary and unexpected changes take place in your life. Usually these changes are for the better. You like to work towards the betterment of human life and society. You dislike hypocrisy and are a lover of art and music. Sometimes however, you need to be encouraged to produce your best. You have the courage of your conviction and you always speak your mind. You lead an active life and are always busy with your work. You are reliable and trustworthy and will earn a good name for yourself.

 

If your ruling number is 5   Your Lucky Days Your Gemstones Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Diamond, emerald, and sapphire
The planet Mercury governs this number and those born under it are shrewd, mentally alert, industrious, diplomatic, intuitive and have sharp business acumen and a scientific temper. You are naturally attracted to people born between September 21 and October 20, between January 21 and February 20. You also have an affinity for those governed by the numbers 1, 5, 7 and 8. Number 5 is associated with business so you should enjoy great material success. You are shrewd and industrious and you should be able to build up a successful career for yourself. You are active and quick and agile, both physically and mentally. You are a good orator and are able to express yourself eloquently. You are self-motivated and have the ability to take your plans to their logical conclusion. You are deeply entrenched in family life and will cherish your children. Everything you do is characterized by speed, efficiency and determination. You like travelling and love change all the time. You have a broad and tolerant view of life and always act in the spirit of comradeship. You are always willing to reach out to those who need your help.

 

If your ruling number is 6   Your Lucky Days Your Gemstones Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Turquoise, emerald, pearl and diamond
This number is governed by the Planet Venus, which symbolises love, sympathy and adoration. It also stands for a creative, aesthetic and artistic temperament. You are naturally attracted to people born between August 21 and September 20, between December 21 and January 20. You also have an affinity for those governed by the numbers 2, 3, 6 and 9. Though you are not particularly interested in accumulating wealth, you are generally well off. But you tend to spend extravagantly, especially on luxuries. Some of you could strike it big through a windfall. You are a born artist and are drawn to all things beautiful and aesthetic. You have a pleasant personality. You are always full of energy, enthusiasm and charm. Your conversation is interesting and lively and you are remarkably witty. You are a deeply loving person who feels a deep sympathy and affinity for humanity. You have a deep sense of loyalty towards your friends. You are deeply attached to your family and constantly strive to make life easier for them.

 

If your ruling number is 7   Your Lucky Days Your Gemstones Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Topaz, emerald, moonstone and cat's eye
This number is governed by the Planet Neptune, which means that you are highly imaginative, idealistic and have a dreamy nature. You are naturally attracted to people born between October 21 and November 20, between February 19 and March 20. You also have an affinity for those governed by the numbers 1, 3, 4, 5, 7 and 8. You are not very interested in the material aspect of life, so you may not amass great wealth. But there are exceptions and some of you may do well as traders, exporters, importers, engineers, doctors etc. You are characterized by a high degree of individuality and independence. You are restless by nature and always eager for change. You are deeply interested in travelling and the lure of the exotic always seems to enchant you. You are a very methodical and logical person. You have an aptitude for business and tend to do well materially. The number 7 has spiritual connotations and you are constantly involved in spiritual quest. You are frank and outspoken and you strongly desire freedom of thought and action. You are naturally happy, energetic and optimistic, but you will need to control your impulsiveness.

 

If your ruling number is 8   Your Lucky Days Your Gemstones Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Sapphire, black pearl, diamond, cat's eye and amethyst
This number is governed by the Planet Saturn, which means that you possess a keen sense of discipline, steadfastness, constancy and dutifulness. You are naturally attracted to people born between April 21 and May 20 and between August 21 and September 20. You also have an affinity for those governed by the numbers 4, 5, 7 and 8. You will achieve success late in life, but there will never be any financial volatility in your life. You will do well in the government, mines, forestry, and construction industries. Medicine could also be a viable option. You are a sober and solitary sort of person. You are conservative in your tastes and are often melancholic and depressed. You are an immensely practical person. You are known for your keen sense of justice and fair play. You are a born manager and can extract work out of people. You always unhesitatingly heed calls of help. You always manage to gravitate towards positions of authority and responsibility. But you must take care not to let others overwhelm you with the burden of responsibility. Some times you will become demoralized and wonder if life is worth living. It is imperative that you do not cut yourself off from others during such phases.

 

If your ruling number is 9   Your Lucky Days Your Gemstones Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Topaz, pearl, ruby, blood stone and garnet
This number is governed by the Planet Mars, which means that you are aggressive, courageous, dashing and quick. You are naturally attracted to people born between July 21 and August 20 and between November 21 and December 20. You also have an affinity for those governed by the numbers 3, 6 and 9. You are very lucky as far as career and financial status is concerned and will earn more than the average person. However, as you have a habit of spending extravagantly, care should be taken to ensure that it does not become a case of easy come-easy go. You are considered a fighter. You are aggressive and don't stop until you reach your goal. You have a fiery temperament and a dashing personality. You are full of vigour and vitality. You are brave and do not flinch from confrontation or conflict. You are exceedingly devoted to your friends and will go to any lengths to help them. You always sympathise with the underdog. Though you act in good faith, the lack of tact and delicacy in your manner often causes you to be misunderstood. You will need to be more discrete, especially when dealing with friends and relatives.

 

 

The way you face Life that makes the difference

One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big advice on

the door on which it was written:

 

 

"Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company

passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been

prepared in the gym".

 

 

In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their

colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was

that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company  itself.

 

 

The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to

control the crowd within the room.

 

 

The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up.

Everyone thought: "Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at

least he died!".

 

 

One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they

looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the

coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part

of their soul.

 

 

There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could

see himself.  There was also a sign next to the mirror that said:

 

 

"There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it

is YOU.  You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are

the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your

success. You are the only person who can help yourself.

 

 

Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change,

when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company

changes.

 

 

Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting

beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your

life.

 

 

"The most important relationship you can have, is the one you have with

yourself" Examine yourself, watch yourself. Don't be afraid of

difficulties, impossibilities and losses: be a winner, build yourself and

your  reality.

 

 

The world is like a mirror: it gives back to anyone the reflection of the

thoughts in which one has strongly believed.

 

 

The world and your reality are like mirrors laying in a coffin, which show

to any individual the death of his divine capability to imagine and create

his happiness and his success.

 

 

"It's the way you face Life that makes the difference"

 

Best Slogans

                 # At a  railway station Bihar :

                         Aana free, jaana  free,

                        pakde gaye to khana free.




              #  A famous beauty parlor in Bombay :

              Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.

                       She may be your grandmother!




                       # On a  bulletin board:

                           Success is  relative

                  More the success, more the relatives.





              # At a  barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay :

                 we need your  heads to run our business.




                           # A traffic  slogan:

  Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never
                              will  be.....




                             #THE BEST ONE :

     Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations

  It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."

                         -       Indian Armed Forces  -

Mentos Zindagi Valentine walo ke liye

Aam Zindagi
Hum 1 bhi ladki nahin pata sake,
College ke 4 saal barbaad ho Gaye.
 
Mentos Zindagi
1 bhi ladki humein nahin pata paayi,
Sabke 4 saal barbaad ho gaye !!!!
 
Mentos khao mast raho Yaar.

How smart r u?

I could not figure it out and had to look at the answer.  
If you can figure out what these words have in common you are a lot smarter than I am.




Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven

Are you peeking or have you already given up?


Give it another try . . .


You will kick yourself when you discover the answer.
Go back and look at them again; think hard.



Answer: No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters.


In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.  
 
Did you figure it out?
Even if you didn't, don't worry.  
Just send it to more people and stump them; then, you'll feel better, too.

Tiny Frogs

TINY FROGS

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a
running competition.
The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd had
gathered around the
tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....

The race began....

Honestly: No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs
would reach the top of
the tower. You heard statements such as: "Oh, WAY too difficult!!"
"They will NEVER make
it to the top." "Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too
high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one except for those, who in a
fresh tempo,
were climbing higher and higher. The crowd continued to yell, "It is
too difficult!!!
No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up but ONE continued higher and
higher and higher,
this one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for
the one tiny frog who,
after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one
frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to
succeed and reach the goal?
It turned out that the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is: Never listen to other people's tendencies
to be negative or
pessimistic because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes
away from you, the ones
you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have because everything you hear and
read will affect your
actions!

Therefore: ALWAYS be POSITIVE!

And above all: Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill
your dreams!

Plz post ur reviews/comments on the link provided below.

Hi all,

This is my Uncle's website. We almost added company of each of you... Please find your company here and write 2-3 lines review...so that one can get help while choosing new company.....you can simply click on alphabet link given below to find your company

        After graduating from college a few years ago, I found myself working for a company 

 

                that wasn't at all what I expected it to be. As I thought about it more, I realized that 

                there wasn't any way I could have known about some of the downsides when I decided 

 

                to take the plunge  and accept the job.  Later, I switched between few jobs, more or less,

 

                I had same experience.

 

 

                I decided that I had to create something that could prevent these types of occurrences 

                as well as help people discover some really great companies that tend to go unnoticed. 

 

                Fortunately, I also found some of such companies.

 

                My X Company will help people find out the truth about what it's like to work at 

                different places. Normally, prospective employees see only a one-sided message or view 

                of the organization they are interested in. 

 

                With  My X Company , you can actually learn about company culture, pay,and much 

 

                more through easy to read job reviews from people who actually worked and are  

                currently working there.    Explore some new organizations and jobs and make sure to 

 

                share your  experiences with others.   I hope this site proves to be a useful tool as you 

 

                navigate your career path.

                Thanks.

                  

          Read or write a review now           

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TOUNGE TWISTER

TOUNG TWISTER

 

 

Mr. See and Mr. Soar were old friends. See owned a saw and Soar owned a

 

seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See, which

 

made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See's saw before See saw Soar's seesaw,

 

then See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. But See saw Soar

 

and Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See's saw, so See's saw sawed Soar's

 

seesaw. It was a shame to let See see Soar so sore just

because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.